I had to have a classical caesarean and Magda spent 18 days in the Special Care Baby Unit so it was a very difficult time for all of us but we got through it.

4 years later I was ready to try again, but did not get pregnant for over 2 years. We had reconciled ourselves to never having a second child, booked a Caribbean holiday to celebrate my 40^th birthday and decided to just get on with our lives – then I got pregnant!

I was overjoyed but filled with anxiety during the first 3 months due to the high risk of miscarriage at my age. I also had the nuchal screening test which came back as minimal risk of down’s syndrome. I was monitored closely due to the problems in my last pregnancy, but everything was going well and we still went on holiday.

At around 25 weeks I developed a bad chest infection which led to pneumonia and was very ill for 3-4 weeks but I had a scan at 28 weeks showing the baby was growing well and there were no problems. After a scan at 32 weeks showed the baby was above average in size and estimated fundal weight I was tested for gestational diabetes, but again, everything was fine.

At just over 34 weeks Magda was in the procession for the local Gala day so I had a busy but very happy Saturday following her in the procession with my mum, her Grandma, going to the shows, the fair and having a meal in a local hotel.

The next morning (8^th June 2003) I woke up feeling fine, had breakfast brought to me in bed by Tarig, my husband, then got up. At 9 a.m. I was sitting at my desk with Magda and Tarig left for work. I suddenly felt very unwell and nauseous and made my way to the bathroom to be very sick. I couldn’t stand upright so made my way back to bed bent double and lay down to see if I would start to feel better. An hour later I was still no better so got Magda to phone my mum to come round to help get her breakfast. At this point I still thought there was nothing serious – a tummy bug or bad constipation maybe. I was in the bath when my mum arrived, thinking this might make me more comfortable. My mum had to help me out of the bath and back to bed. She then phoned the out of hours doctor (by this time it was about 10.50 a.m.) who phoned back to speak to me. My mum had informed them that I was 34 weeks pregnant and had had problems in a previous pregnancy but they told me either I could go in to see them, where I would be seen more quickly, or wait for about 2 hours for the doctor to come out to see me. As I couldn’t stand up by this point I agreed to wait for the doctor. As time went on I grew more and more uncomfortable and was in some pain. My mum phoned Tarig to come home and when he saw the state I was in he phoned the doctor again 3 times before she finally arrived. By this time I was in agony and it then all happened very quickly – an ambulance was called and I got rushed in to hospital. 

Within 15 minutes of arriving in hospital Mohamed was delivered stillborn at 2.15 p.m. by emergency classical caesarean. He weighed 7lbs 1 oz at birth and had chubby cheeks and sweet pouting lips – he looked just like his daddy.

The placenta had embedded around the scar tissue from my previous operation, the uterus had ruptured and the placenta abrupted (ante partum haemorrhage). The baby was lying in my abdomen and had died of anoxia (lack of oxygen). My body had gone in to shock and had started to close down on me – Tarig had to sit outside for over an hour not knowing if I was alive or dead and fearing the worst for the baby, but seeing different consultants and other medical staff rushing in and out of the theatre.

Finally the paediatrician approached him with tears in his eyes and confirmed that they had been unable to resuscitate Mohamed. This doctor took the time to come to see us 3 days later to talk through what had happened and put our fears to rest that Mohamed would have died within minutes of the placenta abrupting, so even if I had been rushed to hospital at 9 a.m., it is unlikely that they could have saved him, and even then, he would have been severely brain damaged.

The staff at the hospital, particularly the midwives, were amazingly supportive and helped all of us get through those first few days. We all got to hold Mohamed, including Magda and Grandma, we took lots of photographs and I spent precious time alone with my son. Those days were the most painful memories any parent could have.

The risks of the same thing happening in any future pregnancy are high, and I would be admitted to hospital at 28 weeks pregnant with a view to sectioning me at 32 weeks, with no guarantee that the same thing would not happen, so we have decided that the risk is too great to my life as well as to any future baby’s. We are now concentrating on looking at the positive things to come out of this – that we have a beautiful daughter, who could so easily have also died, and she has a mummy and is cherished by both her mummy and daddy and her grandparents.

Mohamed is buried at Adambrae Cemetery in Livingston and we have organised a headstone and will look at other ways to mark his grave and develop a special corner in our garden in his memory. We will always love him and hold him in our hearts forever and I hope in time we will remember him with happiness, as the dearly beloved son, brother and grandson we never got the chance to know.

Lesley Musa

23^rd June 2003

Magda’s Poems for Mohamed

1.      When the clouds go by I will remember you
Forever I love you
My heart broke when you were in my arms.

2.     When you’re still there
My love is still there.

3.      Remember
mumee
and
dadee
and
mee
Remember
Mohamed.

4.      I look at the blue sky
I remember you
You will be in my heart forever.

5.      When you are always there
My love will not need repair.

6.      I love you up there
You love me down here
We are together forever.

Magda Musa Age 6

26^th June 2003